baby shower at work

here is a short video of Nigel in action exploring the wonderful attributes of ballons during the baby shower they had for us at my workplace. he hardly fussed at all during this gathering.

Letting Go

I have often on this blog alluded to the fact that I have some daddy issues. Without boring everyone with the details (and revealing the juicy bits that I'd love to have published in essay form at some point), my father is the most selfish, hypocritical, verbally abusive, manipulative person I have ever met. Still, for so long I wanted him in my life. Not as he is, of course, but as the father I thought he should be. That I deserved.

But after counseling and so much support from my husband, I realized he is who he is and I'm better off without his toxicity. Thus, we haven't spoken more than a sentence or two to each other at graduations or other forced encounters in at least five years. Old feelings bubbled up when Tim and I were referred Nigel back in May. Although my paternal grandparents had their faults, they were such a strong part of my life. They taught me things neither my parents nor my maternal grandparents ever could. And I wanted that for Nigel. I want him to learn from my father's good qualities (he does have a few). And as Nigel's family structure is already unique, I didn't want to toss a cut-off grandparent into the mix.

So, after much discussion with Tim and my oh so supportive brother George (I call him Dr. Phil on these occasions), I mailed my father an announcement of Nigel's adoption. I had hoped that would spark some fatherly and grandfatherly emotions. But no. His response was a card. A hypocritical religious card that simply read: "I applaud and commend you for this act of love. Let me know how I may be of help." I dissected the card immediately. Unlike him, I don't need or want a pat on the back for Nigel. He is my son, and that is that. Unlike him, I have no hidden motives for my actions. And to imply that I was merely seeking money from his stingy hands is insulting. (And to boot, I later found out that someone had actually told my dad about Nigel back in May.)

Yet, I couldn't let it go. As my brother pointed out, I had tried to rekindle things with a simple card, so maybe further correspondence and explanation was needed. I took the chicken route and sent an e-mail, explaining that I didn't need anything from him. I was willing to move past my anger and allow him to be part of Nigel's life if he wanted. His response? He had no idea I was angry with him for the past five year, but yet simply busy, which is absolute BS! Still no mention of an apology or a desire to be a grandfather.

So I think that exchange will be the final nail in the coffin. What would Nigel have really gained from this toxic relationship, I've had to ask myself. Each potential positive experience I conjur up is matched tenfold by an inevitable scarring one. I will tell Nigel about my father if he asks, explaining as kindly as I can why he's not part of his life. But he will be surrounded by so many other strong male role models - Tim, my brothers, his "godfather," his two other grandfathers - that I doubt he'll notice the void. - Sarah

Slow Down Nigel!

Nigel was starting to roll over by four months, which I thought was pretty cool. He was sitting up like a champ not too long after, which made me brag a bit. Before he was five months old he had experienced many tastes of solid food, and I patted myself on the back. Although he hasn't mastered crawling, he has started to push himself up on the couch in an attempt to stand. And as you'll see below, he's learning to master the spoon (his first taste of red meat, by the way) and the sippy cup.

But Nigel, it's totally OK with me if you wanna slow down. I mean, all of this progress is fine and well on the development front, but I don't think I can keep up. An experienced mom pal recently told me jokingly (?):"When they start walking, you'll have to chase them; when they start talking, they won't shut up! Don't rush it... enjoy this time when they just lay there." - Sarah

"Martin Sheen" is a Racist *Updated with New Picture*

Two Saturdays ago, Tim and I went to the wedding of one of his high school friends. Said friend happens to have a cousin (who was in attendance at the wedding) who's a dead ringer for Martin Sheen. As a matter of fact, this cousin has served as a stand-in for Charlie's dad, and did some work on the West Wing.The two above pictures by me don't really do him justice... thanks to Jill for pretending I was actually trying to take a picture of her and not "Sheen".

Myself and a few of the other spouses at the wedding were obsessed with this guy. I mean, he has the hair and the mannerisms down pat. So, toward the end of the night, when this look-a-like was well sauced, one of the husbands convinced him to have his picture taken with us. He slurred, "Of course, I'll always take a picture with some pretty white girls." (See below for the group shot)

Seriously, that's what he said. He was so sauced and we were so stunned, that what he said didn't really sink in until he was gone and the picture had been taken. There are so many ironies to his statement.... 1) my son is black (something I would have brought up had I realized exactly what he said when he said it) 2) his cousin had just married a Mexican-America 3) there were African-Americans in attendance who were obviously friends of the couple. What a dirt bag! -Sarah

missing Nigel

First trip away from Nigel and Sarah. Can you guess where i went? - Tim

Tag, I'm It!

Our travel buddies Tiffany, Dan and Petros tagged me Monday. Hmm.... seven random facts about myself. Here goes:

1: I have really bad allergies to mold and mildew, which are highest in the fall. When I was a teenish I got allergy shots twice a week, which really sucked.

2: I didn't get braces until I was in college. They were taken off like a week before my wedding. I had to wear my retainer the week I started working at the magazine FT.... try interviewing someone while you're drooling with a retainer in your mouth. Even though I paid for most of the braces myself I'm not diligent with wearing the retainer these days and my teeth are starting to shift back.

3: The first movie my mom ever took me to was ET. I was really young - like 3 or 4 - and to this day I'm terrified of the part where ET turns white in that ditch! Ewwww!!!!!

4: I think Tiffany needs to re-examine her no breakfast-for-dinner policy. There's nothing more comforting than pancakes and bacon after a long day.

5: I have really high expectations for a friend and my family members. So I find it really hard to connect with folks on a casual/acquaintance basis if I know they can't be what I think a friend/family member should be: loyal, trusting, caring, selfless, funny, etc. All or nothing.

6: Since Nigel came home my uniform is yoga pants and T-shirts. Jeans is dressed up! Argh, I need TLC's What Not To Wear... anyone wanna nominate me? : )

7: While I was never a fashion diva, I wasn't always No. 6. When I was in elementary school my 'rents bought me the most beautiful dress for the holidays (shiny pinkish red and black velvet) and I wanted to wear it to school something bad. So, I told my mom it was dress-up day at school and everyone had to dress up. She bought it, even though my younger brothers tried to convince her they didn't have to wear slacks and a tie to school! I don't remember if my mom ever found out the truth, but I do remember feeling like a princess wearing that dress to school!

Ok, so now I tag

Emily
Chad (who has a private blog with his buds so we'll never know how random he is)
Elsa's mommy
Nikole
Straight Magic
Tara
Dan and Shannon

Watch Your Mouth

It's no secret that I have a bit of a potty mouth, er, curse like a sailor. That's what having two brothers will do to you. So, that, coupled with the fact that I love all types of hip-hop, makes me aware that I need to watch what I say and listen to/watch around Nigel. Evidently, so does the dad at the playground this morning.

It was me and Nigel, a mom and her two girls, and a dad and his two boys. The oldest boy, who was 3 or 4, was obviously waiting for a playmate because he yelled across the playground twice to his dad: "Where the HECK is Abi?" Argh.... kids! - Sarah

A Fun-Filled Weekend

Tim got off work a little early Friday so we could take Nigel to the State Fair.







I love seeing all the little animals, but mostly we LOVE fair food, especially corndogs and Fried Oreos!!!





Today we went to the Italian Festival, which is in my oldest brother George's neighborhood.



After the festival George and I walked around his 'hood. He brought some food back for dinner and stowed it in the bottom of the stroller. This little white dog really wanted some meatballs!

Back In The Saddle Again

Heads outta the gutter please.... I'm talking about the proverbial work saddle. Last week I took on an editing assignment for my old employer/publication and this week I was given an assignment from the local alt-weekly. Wahooo for me!!!!

Obviously we need the extra money, but it really just felt so good to do something that was totally about me. I feel like freelancing and being home with Nigel is kinda like the best of both worlds.

But, now I need to keep the momentum going. I need to get my name out there more with a Web site and business cards. I'm excited though because I've also got so many story ideas that I've been wanting to pitch to national pubs but never had the time. (Not that I have tons 'o spare time now, but you know what I mean) Maybe you'll see me in Gourmet or Parents soon?!?! - Sarah

Fall Is Here

I'm so glad the weather's cooler now. Yesterday morning Nigel and I went to the park for a little while and it was so chilly he got to wear long pants, a long-sleeved shirt and a hoodie!



This next picture kinda freaks me out. Note the blur of something in front of Nigel. Is it a ghost or just a bug?



Yesterday we also met my work husband Chad (I know me leaving the magazine is like a work divorce, but I'm still calling him my work husband, so there) for lunch. It was our first time eating in a sit-down restaurant with a waitress. I was kinda nervous because it's much harder to bolt from places like this than Panera when your kid starts screaming, but Nigel did really well.


And finally, yesterday Nigel started crawling/scooting backwards!- Sarah

I HEART Our New Pediatrician

We switched pediatricians and yesterday was our first visit with the new guy. I actually fell in love with the practice when I scheduled the appointment. The office staff was SO friendly, which is the opposite of the old place... never returned my calls, double billed me, never returned my calls, dismissed Nigel's infected mosquito bite as "some African ritual," never returned my calls.

Our new squeeze spent an ample amount of time with us, going over records from the old doc as well as from the local international adoption clinic. The clinic had suggested that we re-immunize Nigel just in case some of the meds weren't up to par. So, we started round one of catch up: Nigel got 4 shots and some drops in his mouth. Poor baby bear screamed louder than he did when the clinic took 6 vials of blood for testing last month. He did well afterward, though.

So how does he stack up? Well, he's super healthy. YEAH!!!!! He weighs nearly 19 pounds now and he's in the 97th percentile for height! - Sarah