Great Expectations

There is so much banter online about moms... working moms, stay-at-home moms. What does society expect from us? But more importantly, what do we expect from ourselves? I think sometimes we put unrealistic expectations on ourselves. We want to be like the mom we see in the grocery store who can read a story to her infant while teaching her toddler all about organic produce - and all while she's dressed fashionably and drinking a latte (and not spilling said latte).

Well folks, life as a mom ain't like that. We need to remind ourselves that those "super moms" are not always happy. Perhaps their husband works long hours or they have a big wart on their butt or something. My point is, I'm starting to realize I'm being the best mom I can be, and that letting go of my unrealistic expectations is OK.

Unrealistic expectation: I will read 10 books to Nigel everyday.
Reality: He's a freakin' baby! Babies will not always sit down for a story. That doesn't mean he's going to an illiterate kid. I mean, come on... if you take into account the fact that my husband's getting his master's in econ and we have a book collection that rivals the library, Nigel will be just fine.

Unrealistic expectation: I will make all of Nigel's food and it'll all be organic.
Reality: With the exception of applesauce (peeling apples is a B*&%), yogurt and cereal I have made everything for him. Has it all been organic? No, but he's eating a balanced diet, so there!

Unrealistic expectation: We'll go to story time and organized playgroups several times a week.
Reality: Nigel's too young to interact with kids yet, so this is really just about me seeing adults. We've only made it to story time at the library twice.

Unrealistic expectation: Everyday we'll walk 5 miles and I'll be super skinny in no time.
Reality: It rains. It gets super hot. We do walk a lot, but I can only walk around my neighborhood so much before people think I'm stalking them.

Unrealistic expectation: I'll make tons 'o mommy friends.
Reality: I'm really shy, folks. The other day a mom and her daughter came to the playground while Nigel and I were there and I left. I mean, I've heard horror stories about catty moms who rule the playgrounds. If I wanted confrontation I would've kept working FT.

Unrealistic expectation: Plastic will be banished from our house.
Reality: ARGH, I'm still not down with plastic, but this is seriously unrealistic. We use glass bottles at home, but taking a plastic one on the road isn't the end of the world. Worries over plastic are so trivial compared to some of the things we saw in Ethiopia.

Unrealistic expectation: No pacifier.
Reality: Ha! We broke down on this one in Ethiopia! Dumb me didn't even bring a pacifier to Ethiopia but luckily one of our travel companions did. We only give it to him when he sleeps, though.

What have you learned to accept as a parent? - Sarah

In The Public Eye

I always knew that our new little family would attract interest beyond a typical family with a baby because we're unique. We're transracial. But it's so hard to really prepare yourself. I spent so much time preparing snarky comebacks for dumb/insensitive things that people might say. But no one has said anything. So I find myself waiting for it. Almost daring people to say something to me.

I used to be a good Southern gal who looked people square in the eye and smiled. At the grocery store, walking around the neighborhood... everywhere. But now, afraid of the day that is destined to come, I avoid people's faces. And it bothers me. I have nothing to hide, nothing to be ashamed of. And thus far, no one has given me reason to behave this way. Really, the worst someone's said to me is "Who's baby is this?" and it was in a crowded office and totally appropriate for the situation.

I do take notice of people, though. I can see people sort of do a double take, looking at me and then back at Nigel. You can literally see their thoughts working themselves out. Most people seem to get it and they smile or comment on beautiful he is. I mumble thank you and, head down, plow on. Sometimes though I'm bristly, curt and almost rude for no reason.

But there are those who just don't seem to be able to wrap their heads around the fact that Nigel's adopted. I can see them wondering, Is he my biological son? Am I the babysitter? Nigel's face is the most beautiful lightish brown, so it's possible my husband's black. But if we're all together or Nigel has on shorts, showing off his much darker adorable legs, some folks are utterly stumped. Take, for example, the middle-aged white man at the grand opening of Trader Joe's yesterday (I know, I'm a nerd). He did the typical double take but then turned around and stuck his head down in the stroller to get a better look at Nigel. It all happened so fast I didn't even have time to react.

I know people are curious. I know this is something we will face our entire lives. But it's one thing to know and it's another to live it. I don't want to keep my head down. I want to be strong, for Nigel's sake. - Sarah

No Dice

Last night Tim posted about his company's 2009 benefits, which increase the adoption reimbursement A LOT! Unfortunately, the reimbursement is good only for the year in which you take custody of your child. So, we'll get a reimbursement, just not the new enormous one. At least there's always the tax credit. - Sarah

what a difference a year makes!!!!!!!!

My job has an adoption reimbursment program where they will give $5000 toward adoption expenses. Sarah was after me to turn in the reciepts so we could get some money that we need. Well, turned in Monday and today I recieved my 2009 benefits enrollement plan and the adoption assitance has been increased to $11,650. Tommorow i will see if i can cancel my reimbursement and get this new amount. -Tim

I Do

Last night Tim and I went out without Nigel to a wedding!!!! My former coworker/friend-turned-neighbor got married and we had a great time.


The wedding took place in an amazing local garden close to sunset.




Another former coworker who's recently moved to NY was there to play during the ceremony so it was great to see her.

Hey, look... I'm wearing a dress. And there's no drool stain!

"I Think He Actually Moved This Time"

Nigel is gunning to crawl, especially when he's hanging out on Tim and I's bed. His bum goes up but he can't quite get the top half to work in tandem, as evidenced by the pictures below. He gets seriously ticked when his body doesn't lunge forward. Today, though, Tim says he saw him move forward a bit. I'm excited about this new phase in his life, but I know that opens a whole new can of worms... namely baby proofing! ARGH.







When we weren't watching Nigel do the worm, we went to Maymont (a local public zoo-like park) while our power was out for the umpteenth time b/c some dumb*** hit yet another light pole one street over!

It's 5:20 p.m. Do You Know Where Nigel Is?

He's in BED! Ok, so here's our dirty little family secret: Ever since we got back on Aug. 3, Nigel's been waking FOR GOOD at 3:30 a.m.!!!!!! And since he was wide-eyed, we just assumed this was the hell we were destined to live in. But, after the millionth person recommended Health Sleep Habits, Happy Child on Monday, our lives have changed.

Counter intuitive to what you might think, author Weissbluth suggested we put Nigel down earlier than the 6:30 p.m. bedtime we were rolling with in order to make him sleep later. Now, Nigel still wakes up once or twice a night to eat, which is totally normal, but he goes back to sleep. Today he slept until 7 a.m. I had to wake Tim up for work!!!! AMAZING! Sometimes he cries himself to sleep, but that's cool, too, because we know it's best for him (and us) if he snoozes. He's also on a better nap schedule. Seriously people, I'd kiss that Weissbluth guy if I saw him (hopefully I'm not jinxing our new-found sleep bliss).

As a result, Nigel and I are much happier during the day, and Tim is much more rested for work. So, now that we're a family among the waken, here's what we've been up to:


After our first post-placement visit with our SW (which was a total breeze, by the way) we walked down to our local coffee and ice cream shop and had a cone. I even let Nigel have a pea-sized taste of vanilla (GASP!, Call the nutrition police).


Nigel's feeling posh in this shot thanks to this styling shirt from my pal Annemarie in L.A., Calif.


I walked Nigel down to the park today for his second whirl on the swings. I know he's too little, but he really enjoys it.


And finally, Nigel's graduated to the hip position on the Hot Sling. Here he is from my vantage point.
- Sarah