I always knew that our new little family would attract interest beyond a typical family with a baby because we're unique. We're transracial. But it's so hard to really prepare yourself. I spent so much time preparing snarky comebacks for dumb/insensitive things that people might say. But no one has said anything. So I find myself waiting for it. Almost daring people to say something to me.
I used to be a good Southern gal who looked people square in the eye and smiled. At the grocery store, walking around the neighborhood... everywhere. But now, afraid of the day that is destined to come, I avoid people's faces. And it bothers me. I have nothing to hide, nothing to be ashamed of. And thus far, no one has given me reason to behave this way. Really, the worst someone's said to me is "Who's baby is this?" and it was in a crowded office and totally appropriate for the situation.
I do take notice of people, though. I can see people sort of do a double take, looking at me and then back at Nigel. You can literally see their thoughts working themselves out. Most people seem to get it and they smile or comment on beautiful he is. I mumble thank you and, head down, plow on. Sometimes though I'm bristly, curt and almost rude for no reason.
But there are those who just don't seem to be able to wrap their heads around the fact that Nigel's adopted. I can see them wondering, Is he my biological son? Am I the babysitter? Nigel's face is the most beautiful lightish brown, so it's possible my husband's black. But if we're all together or Nigel has on shorts, showing off his much darker adorable legs, some folks are utterly stumped. Take, for example, the middle-aged white man at the grand opening of Trader Joe's yesterday (I know, I'm a nerd). He did the typical double take but then turned around and stuck his head down in the stroller to get a better look at Nigel. It all happened so fast I didn't even have time to react.
I know people are curious. I know this is something we will face our entire lives. But it's one thing to know and it's another to live it. I don't want to keep my head down. I want to be strong, for Nigel's sake. - Sarah
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4 comments:
We do something VERY similar. We've had so, so many stares that it gets downright sickening. It kills me that my little boy sees people staring and trying to figure out our family. Then I remind myself that he needs to see his momma being strong and proud so that he is too! We've begun to just stare back. Once, I even said, "Hi???"
Oh, honey, this must be so tough. I can't believe that guy at the store. What a punk.
You ARE strong.
ps - we were at TJ's yesterday too!
Oh I LOVE me some Trader Joe's! I think, because I'm single, and she's kind of light, I get to avoid some of the weirdness - people just assume I'm biological mom and the dad is black, I think. Not that she looks like me AT ALL. But whatever. Actually a few people have asked if she's adopted, but very few... but I do walk around in anticipation/dread of it sometimes. other times, i'm just in a "I dare you to say anything" mood, and I think it shows. :-)
not sure who's blog led me to yours-- your son is beautiful, BTW. I can totally relate and think that it eases with time. For a long time after my little gal came home, I was on edge, waiting for someone to jump on our differences and be critical or racist. It has taken a year for me to move past this, almost unconsciously. Now, I'm just a mom dealing with a surly toddler at Target and am not worried about people looking at us and judging our differences. Enjoy your little guy.
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