How Open Should Parents Be?

A few weeks ago I finished reading Beautiful Boy, an amazing memoir about a father (who's a journalist) and his son's battle with addiction. The author himself, David Sheff, had issues with drugs as a teen and a young adult. He shared that part of his life with his son (they also shared a joint, but that's another issue), but as the memoir goes on, he regrets his honesty. Although he wanted his son to be able to relate and open up to him, he wondered if sharing his story was kind of like a rapper or sports star who speaks to a group of high school kids about the dangers of drugs - because they've been there. Experience speaks, but does it also make kids think "he did it, and he turned out OK?"

This book really sparked some questions for me. I truly believe that sharing information is powerful. It's why I became a journalist; it's why I have this blog; it's why I attend an adoption support group; it's why I think my self-deprecation is useful. But how much is too much?

And I'm not necessarily talking about strictly drug use. When your child enters puberty, do you talk about your premarital sex life? In trying to instill good values and morals in your child, do you share that you once stole something from the corner store? If your newly married adult daughter asks about relationships, do you tell her about the times you wanted to walk away from your marriage? Or the time that you cheated on your spouse? When your adolescent son questions his faith, do you admit that you hated God for many years?

I'm sure, as with many aspects of parenting, when we're in the moment we'll know the "right" thing to do (or either just act hastily and pray it works out), but it's certainly something to think about. - Sarah