Mixed Emotions About Nigel's First Birthday

Nigel turned ONE today!

I always knew I wouldn't be able to take this day as a straight celebration. For starters, since Nigel has only been home for 8 months, it's kind of hard to think of him as being older than that.... no matter how large the genius child is.

Like all parents, Tim and I have loved watching our little one grow these past few months. He's a real person who's taking steps, standing up unassisted, loves to laugh, and has formed some distinct likes and dislikes. But - and I never thought I'd say this because I'm not really a baby baby person - it makes me sad to think about him growing up. All those months that he was a blob laying on a blanket I should have cuddled with him more instead of wishing for the days when we could cook together or ride bikes. He's gotten quite clingy rencently, and I'm savoring it as much as I can. Lord knows teenagers don't let you hug and kiss them all day!

But as an adoptive parent, two other things are on my mind today, the first being that I was totally oblivious to his very existance until almost two months after his birth. I just looked back at my old work calendars (yes, I keep those), and saw that I was at a women's health conference getting story ideas one year ago today. I didn't post on this blog on the day of Nigel's birth, but two days later there was this entry about getting our fingerprints done again (I still don't get that.... it's not like they change). How different my life is now because of him.

And lastly, but most importantly, my heart is heavy for Nigel's birthfamily. Throughout the entire adoption process I felt guilty about wanting a match so badly because ultimately that meant yet another child wouldn't be raised by their birthfamily, in their birthcountry. Yet another family would feel heartbreak. I hope they know that we think of them every day and tell Nigel how much they love him. - Sarah